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July 23, 2011
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"Hey! Miyuki!" Konata yelled to get the girl her attention.
Miyuki stopped walking, turned around by hearing her name and looked at her, as she liked to call it secretly, little friend. Konata was running towards her, trying to catch up.
"Wait for me Miyuki! Let's walk to school together!" Konata said with a no longer needed loud voice.
A little smile appeared on Miyuki her face. Konata her childish way of acting always made her giggle from the inside.
"Sure," Miyuki said with a happy high voice.
As Konata caught up the two of them started walking together, side by side.
"Did you have a nice weekend?" Miyuki started the conversation.
"Yeah, I'm finally finished watching 'K-on'. I also played out 'Final Fantasy'. And you?"
"Good, I supposed. I mostly studied hard for the math test we're having today."
Suddenly Konata stopped walking. Miyuki didn't stop walking, but as soon as she noticed Konata was no longer walking beside her she stopped too. She turned around to look at Konata her face, there wasn't any expression she could 'read' of it though.
"Math test?" Konata asked to no one specific.
She got a little frown on her face, as if she was considering something. Then her frown vanished as soon as it had appeared and she shrugged her shoulders. "Guess I can't do anything about it."
The two started walking again. Miyuki felt like she had to say something about Konata her behavior. That it is important to study hard. But she didn't want to disturb her now soft humming happy friend, so she leaved the topic to rest.
Suddenly a light breeze passed them, making their long hair wave in the wind. It was because of that that Miyuki's hair caught Konata's attention.
"Your hair is so beautiful Miyuki. It's always perfectly in model," Konata complimented her friend.
The smile on Miyuki her face got brighter. "Really? Thank you. I think your hair also looks nice."
"Naw, not really. I think it always looks a bit messy. It's just too bothersome to brush it in the morning. Maybe I should cut it shorter."
"No! It looks nice on you. You shouldn't do that."
"You think so?" Konata ask while lifting one eyebrow.
"Yes, I really think so," Miyuki tried to convince Konata.
Again Konata shrugged her shoulders. "If you say so."

Konata was banging her head on her school desk, saying "Itai..." every times she did so. Kagami was watching her, getting more annoyed by the head banging by every hit. She couldn't suppress her annoyance anymore, so she leaved her seat to go stand next to Konata her school desk before giving her a snarl.
"If it hurts then stop doing it, baka!" she said.
Konata stopped, slowly lifting her face so she could have a look at Kagami's. Excessive tears where dripping down Konata her face, Kagami could tell she was 'faking'.
"But… but… I ruined my math test," Konata whined.
"Well then you had to study harder," Kagami said, showing no mercy.
"You don't understand. How can I study if 'K-on' is on TV? Or when I'm almost done  with playing 'Final Fantasy'?"
Kagami sighed and gave up. By now she should have know there is no way to get through the head of Konata, no matter how often she would bang it.
"Never mind," she said while rolling her eyes.
She turned around and intended to walk away, but she was stopped by Konata pulling on one of her ponytails.
"Itai!" she said in reaction. "It hurts Konata! Stop it!"
"What you don't like it if I pull your hair?" Konata teased her.
"Let go!" Kagami was starting to get really angry.
"Only if I can have your choco cern."
"No way." Kagami knew that was the wrong answer when Konata started pulling hard. "Okay, fine! Have it!"
Konata let her go and made a "Yay~" sound because of her little victory. Kagami sighed, sometimes she wondered how they had become friends anyway. Though she couldn't stop the little smile from forming on her face while watching Konata eat her choco cern the 'Konata-way'.
It was a bit noisy in the classroom. You should hear to other pupils talk about things as the weather, sport and other common daily things. Nothing really surprising, really, but Kagami was surprised when suddenly Miyuki left her seat and run out of the classroom. Before Kagami was able to ask what was wrong Miyuki was already gone.
"What happen to her?" she asked to Konata instead.
Konata who didn't really had paid attention had clearly no idea what Konata was taking about.
"There seems to be something wrong with Miyuki. Let's go check on her," Kagami explained  to Konata.
Konata took the last bite of her choco cern and nodded. They both left the classroom just before a really confused Tsukasa walked in. "Where did everyone go?"
"I wonder where she went," Kagami said to Konata.
"Did she seem in a hurry?" Konata asked.
"Yes, why do you ask?" Kagami said a bit confused.
"In that case, she's probably in the girls' room," Konata said with one finger lifted and a low voice as if she was some kind of old professor.
"Don't be silly!" Kagami rolled her eyes again.
"No, really! I bet she's there," Konata defended herself.
"Fine. We will check there first."
As they walked into the girls' restroom they heard a family voice mumble something on the one and only closed toilet.
"Told you she was here," Konata said with a big smile on her face.
Kagami acted like she hadn't heard Konata and knocked polite on the closed door.
"Miyuki, what's wrong? Are you crying?" she asked.
"Oh, no… it's nothing. You two can go," Miyuki said with a bit too high voice.
Somehow Miyuki just had admit something really was wrong.
"Please Miyuki, come out. We know there is something going on," Kagami tried to find out what was wrong.
"Um… okay…. But please don't laugh at me," Miyuki nervously spoke.
"Sure, I would 'pinky-swear' that if there wasn't a door between us," Konata said.
"Okay…" Miyuki doubted a moment before she opened the door, but she knew there wasn't a way to hide it anyway. Miyuki opened the door, Kagami and Konata couldn't believe their eyes. Miyuki's long pink hair, which normally was perfectly in model, went through one hell of a transformation. It was no longer in its usual style. Somehow, it had bunched itself all up and mounted itself on top of her head. Kagami and Konata stared at it with wide open eyes and couldn't help for long but burst into laughter.
"Kagami! Konata! You said you wouldn't laugh!" Miyuki said piqued with a light blush on her cheeks.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's just that…it's looks so odd!" Kagami excused herself, still laughing.
Miyuki's cheeks turned even more red and her eyes got a bit wet.
"I can't help it! It just… turned this way!" she said sheepishly.
"It's okay. We believe you. But we should go back to the classroom. The break is almost over," Konata said, holding in her laugh.
"No! I can't! What if anyone sees me?" Miyuki said now really upset.
"Don't worry. We will just make something up," Kagami tried to comfort her, though she had to bite her lip to prevent more laughing.
Miyuki gave up. There was no way to come out of this. "Okay."
Just as the three girls were about to leave Miyuki gasped.
"Kagami! Konata!" she said.
"What?" both of them answered simultaneously.
Miyuki pointed at the mirror behind them, not being able to say another word. Both Kagami and Konata slowly turned around, experiencing the shock of their lives by looking at their reflection. Both their hair was moving, on their own! It looked like invisible hands where holding it, playing with it. Kagami could see the bowties holding her pigtails together come undone and fall off. All three girls watched in disbelief as their hair seemingly came to life, moving in different directions, doing what whichever it felt like and no one to stop it. Konata watched with her eyes and mouth wide open. She really had believed Miyuki when she had told her hair had turned into a beehive out of itself, but seeing it in action was a whole nother thing. When both girls' hair stopped moving, they were each left with a beehive, just like Miyuki's. Kagami and Konata kept staring from their own hair to the others, as if they were expecting something else to happen next. It was Miyuki who had to break the silence.
"I think we should go back to class," she said now being the person trying to hold in her laugh.
"No way! I'm not going anywhere when my hair is like this!" Kagami said angrily to Miyuki as if it was here fault.
"Okay, then we'll try fixing it," Miyuki suggested.
Kagami gave a small nod and started pulling at her hair as a attempt to fix it. It seems to work but as soon as she let go of her hair and moved back in the beehive model.
"Oh my God!" Kagami said almost hysterical. "What should I do?!"
"Go to the classroom and make the best of it?" Konata suggested.
"Are you mad? Won't you find it intolerable when people start laughing at you?" Kagami said with a high voice.
For the umpteenth time Konata shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't mind what others think of me. Beside, now my hair will take less trouble to get in model every morning."
"Are you serious?" Kagami thought Konata was fooling around with her.
"Yeah. I mean, why not? It does look kind of fancy right?"
Kagami just rolled her eyes again. Before one of them was able to say something else the bell rang.
"Oh, class is starting. We should go," Konata said.
Humming and in a good mood Konata left the girls' room. Kagami and Miyuki didn´t want to leave the 'save' room but they knew they had to. Quietly they followed their amused friend, wondering how she could possibly feel that way. Kagami and Miyuki started whispering to each other, just enough so that Konata wouldn't hear them.
"You think she finally lost it?" Kagami asked.
A little giggle passed Miyuki her lips. "No, I think so was always this way."
"It's creepy if you ask me. How could you possibly enjoy looking like this?" Kagami whispered while pointing at her hive.
"I don't know. But you must admit, it does kind of look fancy."
Kagami shut her lips, wondering if she really was the only normal person here.
Both Kagami and Miyuki felt their courage fade away as they stood in front of the classroom door. Konata glanced over her shoulder to check upon her friends. She somehow seemed to enjoy their nervous expressions.
"I'll open the door at three," she whispered, so as to make them even more nervous.
"One." She looked back at the door. "Two." She grabbed the doorknob. "Three!" In one move she opened the door completely. Kagami and Miyuki had expected that the whole class would stare at them and then laugh a them, but that wasn't exactly what happened. The class was one in trance. By looking inside they knew they weren't the only ones with the beehive problem. They noticed that the same thing was already happening separately with Hiyori and Ayano each as everyone else gawked mindlessly, not knowing how to react. But that wasn't everything. Kuroi-sensei was pulling at her hair, trying to stop it from taking form, but as expected it wasn't helping. After all their transformations were done nobody knew what to say. After a long silence Kuroi-sensei broke the ice.
"Okay class. My coffee is cold, I got dumped by that one guy the other day, and now my hair is all weird. So, let's get the hell out of here and enjoy our freedom."
Everyone was staring at her, not believing what they just had heard. But when finally the words made sense to them they burst into cheering. The whole class left the school together with Kuroi-sensei who didn't give a shit about anything anymore.
Konata grabbed her hive as a attempt to hug it.
"I love you so much! Not only do I never have to brush my hair again, I'll also never have to go back to school!"
Konata looked at her friends, having a kind of happiness inside her eyes she never had before.
"Let's play 'Final Fantasy' at my place. I've got chocolate!"
Kagami and Miyuki didn't know what to say or to think, but they both couldn't refuse the offer Konata made.
Commission for ~DMXrated I hope there are enough beehives in it and it is random enough. xD I had fun writing this, especially because I love writing random things. ;D
Oh, and if it wasn't clear enough, this is what Konata, Kagami and Miyuki looked like in the story-> [link]

Lucky Star (C) to Kagami Yoshimizu
Story idead (C) to ~DMXrated
Story (C) to me<3

Commissions are still open! :dummy: [link]
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:iconrainbowicepop:
RainbowIcePop Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
LOL nice story!
Lucky Star really is a great story to make fanfics out of, becuase nothing really heppens in it! (I'm not saying that In a bad way. :D)
Maybe I should write a non-realistic Lucky Fanfic too...
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:iconmoloveanime:
MoLoveAnime Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you<3 ;w;
It is. xD
Maybe I will. C:
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:iconpapyrokinesis:
Papyrokinesis Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011
Poor Kuroi-sensei.
But nice story. It's a weird story though, but I really like it. Can you make more L*S stories? Hahaha. XD
:icongoodjobplz:
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:iconmoloveanime:
MoLoveAnime Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yes, but she is a free woman now. xD
Thank you. :hug: Beehives and randomness, that's what the commissioner wanted. ;D I don't know yet, we will see. :dummy:
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:icondmxrated:
DMXrated Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011
Now that I think of it, I doubt Konata would ever bully Kagami out of anything. That whole thing about her pulling one of her pigtails should probably be deleted.

If I recall correctly, she did lift her pigtails up one time, but did comply with her after she ordered her to leave them alone.
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:iconmoloveanime:
MoLoveAnime Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're right. I think I will change that. (It was a long time ago I watched Lucky Star so I forgot a bit about their characters. xD)
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:icondmxrated:
DMXrated Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2011
Thanks.
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:icondmxrated:
DMXrated Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011
Okay, time to proofread:

"that the hair of Miyuki catched Konata her attention" should be "that Miyuki's hair caught Konata's attention".

"hold in her angry anymore" should more likely be "suppress her annoyance anymore".

"Kagami signed" should be "Kagami sighed"

"It was a bit noisy in the classroom while everyone was eating." They eat in the cafeteria, not in the classroom. Maybe you should replace "eating" with "chatting", something they'd be more likely to do there when Kuroi-sensei isn't teaching.

"'In that case she's on the toilet,'". I'd suggest that be changed to "'In that case, she's probably in the girls' room".

"into the girls toilet", should be "into the girls' restroom".

"'pink-swear'" should probably be "'pinky-swear'".

"Miyuki her long pink hair which normally was perfectly in model went through one hell of transformation." Change to: "Miyuki's long pink hair, which normally was perfectly in model, went through one hell of a transformation."

"It was no longer style, somehow it had changed into a beehive which was placed high upon the head of Miyuki." Change to: "It was no longer in its usual style. Somehow, it had bunched itself all up and mounted itself on top of her head."

"couldn't help that after some time shoot out laughing" should be "couldn't help for long but burst into laughter".

"Miyuki her cheeks" should be "Miyuki's cheeks".

"'I can't help it! It just… turned this way!' she mocked." I don't think Miyuki would be mocking her friends in this context. Instead of "mocked", you could possibly say "said sheepishly".

"no way [to] come out of this".

"wanted to leave" should be "were about to leave".

"Two pairs of hair elastics dropped on the ground, these where Kagami's." Kagami keeps her pigtails bound by a pair of bowties. I might suggest this sentence be changed to "Kagami could see the bowties holding her pigtails together come undone and fall off."

"as the hair started to live on his own" should be "as their hair seemingly came to life." Also, body parts, as well as inanimate objects, are always referred to as "it".

"with wide open eyes and open mouth" should probably be "with her eyes and mouth wide open".

"a whole [n]other thing".

"When both the hair of Kagami and Konata stopped moving they had turned into two nice beehives." Suggestion instead: "When both girls' hair stopped moving, they were each left with a beehive, just like Miyuki's."

"to the others" ->- "to the others'".

"'I think we should go to the class room,'". To begin with, "class room" should just be one word, but a better way to phrase this whole quote would be "I think we should go back to class."

"Kagami said angry" ->- "Kagami said angrily".

"'Go to the [classroom]"

"I[t] does look kind of fancy right?'"

"rolled with her eyes"

"left the girls toilet." ->- "left the girls' room"

"followed there amused friend" ->- "followed their amused friend".

"just enough to make Konata not hear them." should be "just enough so that Konata wouldn't hear them."

"pointing at the beehive on her head." should be "pointing at her hive."

"felt how their courage fade away"

"the door of the class room." ->- "the classroom door."

"seemed to enjoy the others were nervous." I might suggest this be changed to "seemed to enjoy their nervous expressions."

"'I will open" ->- "I'll open". Just to be less formal.

"whispered go get them" ->- "whispered, so as to make them".

Hiyori and Ayano have different friends that they interact with more directly. Hiyori tends to socialize mainly with Yutaka, Minami, and Patricia, while Ayano mostly hangs out with Misao and sometimes Kagami. I might suggest the line mentioning them be changed to "They noticed that the same thing was already happening separately with Hiyori and Ayano each as everyone else gawked mindlessly, not knowing how to react."

Might want to start a new paragraph with "But that wasn't everything."

"trying to stop it from turning into a beehive". At this point, for the sake of less redundancy, this line could become "trying to stop it from taking form".

"all their transformation[s]"

"said something." ->- "broke the ice."

"My coffee is cold, my hair just turned into a beehive and I got dumped by that one guy the other day.'" ->- "My coffee is cold, I got dumped by that one guy the other day, and now my hair is all weird." Order of events like these count.

"Konata grabbed to her beehive as a attempt to hug it. "

"'I love you so much! Not only do I never have to brush my hair again, I['ll] also never have to go back to school!'"

"what to say nor to think," ->- "what to say or think".

"but they both couldn't refuse the offer Konata made." This should come after she invites them to her house.

Man, that was a lot. But anyway, once you've made all those changes, I would then suggest finding groups on this site about Lucky Star, and also hosting it on Fanfiction.net. Good luck!
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:iconmoloveanime:
MoLoveAnime Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Long list is long. xD Sorry I made so many mistakes! ;A; I've changed them all now. :D (One day I will get the hang of English, I swear. ;D) Thank you for helping me. C:
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:icondmxrated:
DMXrated Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2011
"had catched up" ->- "caught up". Sorry I missed that one.
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